This time last week I had been told that the baby inside of me had died. Words cannot describe how I am still feeling but I cannot stop thinking about it.
I have been through an ordeal I wouldn't wish on anyone. The past few weeks have been hell, that is the only way I can describe it. Ultimately the decision Lyndon and I were to make was taken out of our control, which may or may not be a blessing in itself.
Losing a baby 14 weeks into gestation was the worst thing to ever happen to me and I am still holding a lot of grief (of course) that comes along in waves and I know will for a long time. I am not keen for it to hurry along either as I never want to forget the hopes and joys we had for the new being that was to enter our lives.
I was in hospital for four long nights but I was given lots of love and attention from not only family and close friends but also by the wonderful medical staff. I am forever in their debt.
It helps by having a gorgeous little daughter (who turned 4 yesterday) who is still struggling to understand what has happened to mummy and the baby. She 'knows' what has happened but she doesn't understand. But she has made me realise that I can still smile and laugh and love.
I know a lot of you have had me in your thoughts. Hugs to you all. We are getting there and life does go on.
I now know there is an extra star above me, looking out for me. This is what I have to believe in.
24 comments:
I'm so sorry, Melody and Lyndon...
Hugs...
Melody dear...So sorry to read about your loss....I know you and Lyndon will grieve for a long time, my dear. I send you Big Hugs, and Blessings, too. In a way it is good that you didn't have to make this decision...God took it out of your hands and as you said, you have an angel watching over you now. Sometimes life can be so very hard. My thoughts and my heart are with you, dear Melody.
Oh Melody, such sadness for you all. Take extra special care of yourself - hugs from down here. Louise x
Melody, Lyndon and Monet, my deepest sympathies to you all.
Mxxx
Hugs for your whole family. Let yourself grieve for as long as you like and at your own depth and pace.
What a beautiful song you chose. I know that your girl is the best medicine right now. Her hugs will warm you in all the right ways as you come to terms with your loss.
Come on, come on, come on,
Love's the greatest thing
That we have.
xx
You have most certainly been in my thoughts, and shall continue to be. Take care of yourselves. Such a sad time for you.
Firstly, I hope this week will be better than the last and to tell you that you can take as long as you like to grieve, even if it's forever.
Secondly, a happy birthday to the little Miss M. Did you do anything special? I bet you did....share when you can.
Lovely touch to add 'Tender' to this post.....you know what, loves the greatest thing!!!!
Thinking of you, a lot x
Love to all of you Melody.Time will help of course. Thank goodness for Monet, who I am sure gives you reason to smile.
What an utterly hideous experience. It would send me hurtling into a deep depression. Actually, I don't know how I'd cope, but then, we always do surprise ourselves with our strength once it's needed. Great that you've got so much support round you. Look after yourselves, and best wishes from me.
Oh, how your post made me cry. I spent 3 years (and all our savings) having our first Short Person, and while all those negative pregancy tests are not AT ALL the same as your loss (just can't even imagine), I can say that I do know a tiny, tiny bit of the similar pain of wanting a baby so badly and then not having it. I have watched two close friends of mine go through where you are, as well. If you think it would be helpful, there are some great on-line support groups out there. And thank goodness you have such supportive real and "blog" families. My thoughts are with you.
You have been in my thoughts Melody and when I read this post I cried for you, and probably with you too. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Birthday wishes to your beautiful big girl. I can't believe she's 4!
My heart goes out for you and your family. It can be so hard to put into words the things we feel when going through such strife and grief..You have done that quite eliquantly...as others have said, it is a blessing that the decision was made for you as u will never feel regret either way ... Now you can heal with the knowledge that your star will follow you and yours...Hugs from afar...my thoughts are with you...hoping this difficult time will become easier to deal with as time goes by...I have no doubt that your angel will help.
Dear Melody, I am so terribly sorry to hear your news. My thoughts are with you all, take care of each other.
Happy birthday wishes for Monet, hope that she had a lovely day....X
My thoughts are with you, Melody.
I hope every day gets a little easier.
You have been in my thoughts. Big hugs to you and your family. I know how very sad you must be feeling. Happy Birthday to Monet, and I'm glad she's helping bring some happiness and laughter into your days
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family have been and continue to be in my thoughts {hugs}
I am so so sorry.
I don't have the right words except to say my thoughts are with you.
Hugs to you.
Melody, Lyndon and Monet I am so very very sorry. Melody I know this must be a very hard personal time of grief for you. You know sometimes I still think, well what if I just tried to have a baby...I am 42 and then I get so scared that I might go through what you are that I think maybe my mental health and happiness is better off just not knowing.
Life can be so hard and unbearable sometimes. Please know that there are many people who would love to lift this burden from you but I know this is something you have to walk through alone. Many hugs.
Deana
Oh Melody, that really really sucks. Hope you and your family are doing ok and that you are leaning on family and friends and letting them spoil you.
Belated Happy Birthday to Monet! Her birthday must have been very tender and sweet for you all because stuff like this just makes you realise even more how lucky you are to have something so special.
Melody, I'm very, very sorry for both you and Lyndon. You'll continue to be in my thoughts.
I'm so very sorry for you. I don't know what else to say; I'm sitting at my desk with tears in my eyes.
Though you carry your baby briefly in your wombs they will be your hearts forever. May God grant you peace during this time and the love and support of family and friends continue to carry you through this difficult journey.
Shine brightly your little star.
Melody, I just read your blog trying to catch up on what has been happening in your life. This is such a devestating thing to happen to such a wonderful person.
As you say it was taken out of your hands....things happen for a reason and im sending you lots and lots of love and hugs and I hope you are enjoying your new place
Love always
Lynne
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